All the Rage: Mothers, Fathers, and the Myth of Equal Partnership

All the Rage focuses on the mental and physical labor that many moms endure, particularly following the birth of a couple’s first child. This book seeks to answer the age-old question, “Given the prevalence of this lifestyle among numerous couples and the considerable frustration or fatigue experienced by many women as a result, what measures can be taken to address this issue?” by illuminating the everyday reality of many moms while simultaneously attacking the mechanisms that support their disempowering domestic facts.

Darcy Lockman is a former journalist turned psychologist. Her first book, Brooklyn Zoo, chronicled her year-long employment in a municipal hospital’s psychiatric ward. Her writing has appeared in The New York Times and The Washington Post, among other media. Her spouse and daughters live in Queens with her.

1. Unfulfilled Promise of Equal Partnership: Despite advancements in women’s rights, the ideal of equal parenting remains elusive. Mothers, regardless of career status, shoulder a disproportionate burden of household labor and childcare.

2. Societal Roots of Inequality: Deep-seated cultural expectations and gender norms fuel the imbalance. Women are seen as natural caregivers, while men are considered breadwinners, even when couples strive for equality.

3. Invisible Labor of Motherhood: The book sheds light on the vast, often unnoticed work mothers do, like planning, organizing, anticipating needs, and emotional management. This “invisible labor” contributes significantly to family life.

4. The Motherhood Penalty and Fatherhood Bonus: Mothers face career setbacks due to their caregiving roles, while fathers often experience career advancement and salary increases. This disparity reinforces inequality.

5. The Emotional Toll of Inequality: Juggling work and family, coupled with the lack of recognition and support, leads to burnout, resentment, and anger in mothers. This emotional toll can be immense.

6. Shared Responsibility, Not Equal Sacrifice: The book advocates for a shift from equal sacrifice to shared responsibility. Fathers must actively participate in childcare and housework, fostering true partnership.

7. Redefining Success: The book challenges the traditional definition of success, which often prioritizes financial achievement and career advancement. It emphasizes valuing and recognizing the vital contributions of mothers and caregivers.

8. System Needs Change: Affordable childcare, flexible work arrangements, and equal parental leave policies are crucial for supporting and encouraging shared responsibility.

9. Collective Action for Change: Mothers need to find solidarity and work together to raise awareness about this issue and advocate for systemic change.

10. Breaking the Cycle: Individual and collective action are vital to breaking free from the cycle of unequal partnership. Men must challenge their internalized biases and step up, while women must advocate for themselves and refuse to carry the burden alone.

11. The Power of Communication: Open and honest communication between partners is key to identifying and addressing the imbalance in the household.

12. Acknowledging Unconscious Bias: Recognizing and challenging unconscious gender biases held by men and women is crucial for creating a more equitable environment.

13. The Role of Technology: Technology can be a tool to facilitate shared responsibility and ease the workload for both parents.

14. Importance of Self-Care: Mothers must prioritize their well-being through self-care practices to manage stress and prevent burnout.

15. Celebrating the Diversity of Families: Recognizing that families come in all shapes and sizes is crucial to supporting all kinds of parents and caregivers, regardless of their traditional roles.

“All the Rage” delves into the often overwhelming mental and physical labor that many mothers face, especially after the birth of their first child. The book tackles the question of how to address the widespread lifestyle that leaves many women frustrated and fatigued. It sheds light on the daily struggles of mothers and challenges the societal structures that perpetuate these disempowering domestic roles. The narrative is both an exposé and a call to action, highlighting the need for systemic change to better support mothers in their dual roles of caregiving and household management.

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A multi-award-winning blogger and advocate for OFWs and investment literacy; recipient of the Mass Media Advocacy Award, Philippine Expat Blog Award, and Most Outstanding Balikbayan Award. Her first book, The Global Filipino Bloggers OFW Edition, was launched at the Philippine Embassy in Kuwait. A certified Registered Financial Planner of the Philippines specializing in the Stock Market. A recognized author of the National Book Development Board of the Philippines. Co-founder of Teachers Specialist Organization in Kuwait (TSOK) and Filipino Bloggers in Kuwait (FBK). An international member of writing and poetry. Published more than 10 books.  Read more: About DiaryNiGracia